Easter morning. The first morning light always so dear to me takes on even greater significance this morning. Ella is awake with me this morning and we listen for the first bird song, for Sully's song. I have snuggled into her bed with her and we read the Easter story in a new Bible book I've found for her basket(The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones). I've never been so moved by a children's book. The author uses language so relevant and vibrant. She speaks of the greatest fairytale of all because it is true, of the Great Rescue of the world, and both Ella and I can't help but be pulled into the pages.
"But this is how God will rescue the whole world. My life will break and God's broken world will mend. My heart will tear apart - and your hearts will heal. Just as the passover lamb died, so now I will die instead of you. My blood will wash away all of your sins. And you'll be clean on the inside - in your hearts."
"God was going to pour into Jesus' heart all of the sadness and brokenness in people's hearts. He was going to pour into Jesus' body all the sickness in people's bodies. God was going to have to blame his son for everything that had gone wrong. It would crush Jesus."
We read through the horrors of the story, the separation from his "Papa" that broke Jesus' heart into two, the darkness that covered the world "like a bruise". But, then, the hope, the light, the wonderful surprise comes and our hearts lift. Mary Magdalene's surprise and joy at seeing Jesus is our own. As she races to tell everyone what she has seen she thinks this and I think it with her: "Was God really making everything sad come untrue? Was he making even death come untrue?"
We finish our pages and the light is full upon us, many birds are singing but one in particular sings his crystal clear song right by Ella's window. I feel relief that this morning is here, relief that Easter happened, relief that through all of the pain God has not been far from me, that I have not been separated from Him as Jesus had to be, relief that the sad things are coming "untrue", relief and joy that I know where my Sully is and that there will come a time when I will be with him again.
Professional Photos of Sully by Jessica Riehl of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Our little boy, Sully
Sully's playground
.JPG)
Sully's playground fund
THANK YOU for helping us build our sweet Sully's playground. It is finished! Funding and all! The project came to a total of around $70,000 and every single penny was raised by your love and support! You are incredible! Thank you for giving us this amazing gift!
http://www.sullysplayground.com/
http://www.sullysplayground.com/
Effortlessly perfect
"...and the day will push us forward with...its ordinary joys."
About Us
b.JPG)
The Soundtrack to Our Lives
- 1) Josh Radin, "Brand New Day"
- 2) Michael Jackson, "Bad"
- 3) Jonathan Edwards, "Sometimes"
- 4) Tyrone and Euniqua, "We're Knights"
- 5) Sarah Jarosz, "Come On Up to the House"
10 comments:
I saw the article about your family in the paper today. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sully was beautiful. And his story, and your family's story, touched me.
Thanks for sharing him.
Heidi, you are so encouraging, thank you for continuing to share.
Have a blessed Easter!
Love,
Red
Hi Heidi,
I don't really know where to begin except to say that I know exactly how you feel and maybe how you will feel in time. Last year this time we were spending day and night at CHKD with our precious baby boy Emmanuel. This was his third admission to CHKD and his last. We had just rushed him to the ER for a hypothermia. I had never seen my husband drive that fast ever before and with him being a doctor I knew that this was serious. That is where Emmanuel ended up spending his last 2 months of life. He lived exaclty 365 days from conception to death. That is one of the numbers that I have kept in my mind all this time. As we approach the 1 year mark of his passing I cannot help to often think of where I was and what I was doing this time last year.
The article today in the Pilot just took me back to all the feelings and thoughts I had while Emmanuel was suffering. How I held him as much as I could through all the wires and how small and frail he was that whole time. The main thought that kept running through my mind the whole time was how could I change every cell in his body. Emmanuel was born with a mitochondrial disorder for which there is no cure. There was nothing that modern medicine could do for him except keep him comfortable for as long as he could hold on. He held on for 3 months and 2 days. He was also our Valentine's baby. He happened to pass away on the Pentecost which was so fitting for him because he was our angel. He too passed away in my arms and I did not want to let him go, ever. But I had no choice. I do remember going by a window that morning and watching the clouds as they cleared and seeing a ray of light. That is when I knew that my little angel was on his way to heaven.
Losing a child is one of the hardest thing that any human should ever experience, but I can tell you that having two young children helps more than anything else. Our daughters who are 5 and 3 now were our saving graces. They helped us to face Emmanuel's life and death in such straightfoward ways that it has made it almost bearable. There were so many times that all we wanted to do was just cry but we had no choice but to laugh. Now they know and ask to go to Emmanuel's garden after church (the cemetary). We all feel almost at peace after visiting him and hearing his windchimes talk to us. Thank you for sharing your story with the world.
We had a similar page on Caringbridges and I would write everynight. Unfortunately after Emmanuel's passing I have not been able to document there anymore. I hope to be able to get back there one day.
Thank you and may you have a blessed Easter with your family.
Heidi,
My heart breaks for you and your family. The lose you all have endored and shared can never be returned. Just remember God has a reason for all he does.
Heidi you are more fortunate than you may feel, You and sweet Sully share something that time itself cannot erase. That is the bond from the womb. You knew him and he knew you even before the 2 of you laid eyes on each other. Take comfort in that. The 2 of you will always be together for all times in that scence.
You and your family will always remember the 6 magical days of Sully. His memory and His legacy no matter how short lived will live on even after our last breath.
For you and your family take comfort in the fact that Sully is in fact loved by YOU and that YOU are in fact loved by Sully.
Happy Easter and Blessed Prayers
from The Overton Family.
I read your story today in the paper. My daughter Maeve silently entered the world on February 29th. We held her for a few short hours. She was so beautiful. She also had a chromosomal abnormality.
I have read your entries, soaking in all of your words. You have expressed yourself so beautifully and eloquently. Sadly, I understand how you are feeling. My grief is still so raw; I am afraid to leave my house most days.
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. You are so very brave. I wish you and your family peace and strength to grieve for your beautiful son Sully.
All my best,
Deirdre
it is strange, i never read the newspaper and today i saw your story..we just lost our first child, a beautiful baby girl, to sids on feb 12th..i see your courage and strength in your story..we are doing something similar for strength in memory of our daughter..your son sully is absolutely beautiful..i know he is your angel just as our daughter is ours..we wish you love and healing eternally
I read your story in the paper today. It deeply touched my heart. The first thing that comes to my mind are some verses from Psalms 46,
v1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. I know that he will be a very present help to you and your family now and in the days to come.
v10 Be still, and know that I am GOD. STOP!!! know that whatever we are going through, God is in control of it and it is all part of his perfect will. We rarely take the time to practice the great truth in this verse..to be still, and know that He is God!
I will be praying for you and your family. May our Lord bless and keep you, your sister in Christ.
I noticed the first bird song early this morning and thought of Sully.
I have been touched by your blog for over a month now. I am 28 weeks pregnant and recently the baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 13. I'm not a very religious, spiritual person, but do believe in God and know that this is happening for some purpose beyond my understanding. Your words are very touching, and give me a glimpse of what lies ahead for us as my pregnancy progresses and Baby Carter blesses us with his presence, no matter how short it is. leslie clawson (clawson3@mac.com)
amy sedgwick griffith here:
wow heidi, did you have any idea that your courage would reach so many? did you know the strength that God has given you would actually change lives and be a witness to His goodness?
i know you must be shocked by these, but my prayer for you today, as i read, is that you would be encouraged and that you would begin to see some redemption in the loss of your son!
i continue to pray for you.
Post a Comment