I’ve been coming out of my shell. I’ve shown my face places, even made a late night trip to the grocery store. I’m seeing more people in places other than my home. And I’m finding that I’m a muddle of emotions. I’m confused about how I’m feeling. At times I’m so ready to be back in the game. I’ll feel like myself and be just fine as I start to face the world. And then, like this morning, I just want to retreat again. Nothing feels safe. Even the kindest faces, the most well-intentioned people, are overwhelming to me.
The more conscious I am of people’s awareness of me and Sully, the more I want to retreat. But I’m caught here because I want people to know about my boy, to recognize his beauty and worth, to be a part of building his playground. I’m pulled in two different directions inside.
I’m struggling to write on the blog. Instead of it being an honest outlet I feel pressure for it to be good, well-written instead of just the outpouring of my heart. Can I be honest anymore? Can I say that I want to take back my Sully, that right now I want him to be all my own? Yes, I am glad his story resounds in so many hearts, but I would trade it all to have a boy that no one knew about, to have an anonymous, healthy, taken for granted baby boy.
Professional Photos of Sully by Jessica Riehl of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Our little boy, Sully
Sully's playground
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Sully's playground fund
THANK YOU for helping us build our sweet Sully's playground. It is finished! Funding and all! The project came to a total of around $70,000 and every single penny was raised by your love and support! You are incredible! Thank you for giving us this amazing gift!
http://www.sullysplayground.com/
http://www.sullysplayground.com/
Effortlessly perfect
"...and the day will push us forward with...its ordinary joys."
About Us
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The Soundtrack to Our Lives
- 1) Josh Radin, "Brand New Day"
- 2) Michael Jackson, "Bad"
- 3) Jonathan Edwards, "Sometimes"
- 4) Tyrone and Euniqua, "We're Knights"
- 5) Sarah Jarosz, "Come On Up to the House"
3 comments:
The most beautiful writing is the honest out-pouring of hearts. That is what people all over the place fell in love with you and your family for. Your heart. Your heart is the voice people hear.
But as I say that, I feel guilty for wanting so much to read your heart. I feel I shouldn't be allowed. So, don't write when you feel pressure, if you don't want to. We all know you need time to live, however that looks to you.
I check on you everyday, to see if you've written. I just want to know if you're okay, but you actually being okay is better than me knowing about it.
I agree with clariposa that you don't owe us. your readers anything. If more private grievinv feels more comfortable, DO IT - and I alos feel that your honesty is a beautiful example fo rhte rest of us. OF course you want Sully back whole rather than this chance to teach, lead, and heal through sharing your loss. You wouldn't be human if you wanted to do this.
i SO get that! the whole "overwhelmed" feeling! i COMPLETELY understand! been there done that!
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