Brad and I were up and down all night for our first night home with Jasper. He is most content in our arms, and I have no problem at all giving in to his demands. He did manage to find himself in the bassinet a few times and it didn't take him long to fuss about it. His lusty cry sounded like music in my ears. I may find myself tired for many weeks to come but I don't think I could ever complain about it. My heart is just so thankful.
The moment Jasper was born and I held him on my chest, the world shifted. It was so subtle and yet so monumental all at the same time. The images in my head are of a knocked over plant being set upright again, a spilled glass set back in place so it can be filled up once again, or a crooked painting carefully shifted back just so. Nothing is perfect. The story we have been given is still the same. I still lost my Sully. There is no replacement for a lost child. But, somehow, in ways I don't even think I know how to explain just yet, everything does feel so very different.
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4 comments:
you know, i've read many times that having a year to mourn is just ...well, right. you go through all of the pain of not having a person for each day, each season...and then, if you do that fully, as it seems you have, then you can better lay him to "rest"...you have expressed your love to sully this past year...and i think it is not by chance that you have been given this little jasper almost right after your year has come to an end. he is GORGEOUS!!!! i am so so happy fo ryou and brad!
That is beautiful. Enjoy your precious baby!
Aw Heidi, I'm just catching up on your blog after being with my grandfather in WV...I'm so happy for you! Jasper is beautiful and the video Brad made made me teary. I hope to meet him soon and see you & your beautiful family. Praise God for this blessing and may you continue to grow as a family together!! xoxo - Red
He is beautiful...... Can't wait to meet him!!
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