Tuesday, January 29, 2008

When Dinosaurs Die

This is the title of one of the books we ordered a while back to help us in talking with our kids (particularly Ella)about everything with Sully. We haven't read either book with them yet but I had pulled it to the front of the desk and looked through both of them again as we prepare for the next few weeks. Tonight, Ella disappeared for awhile and when she came back into the living room she was carrying this book and asked us to read it to her. It had never crossed my mind that she would see it on the desk and want to read it.

So, we read through all of the explanations of what it means to be alive and what it means to be dead with friendly pictures of a dinosaur family in different stages of dealing with the subject. It's very straight forward in its childlike simplicity, leaving out all of the flowery terms we adults sometimes use to cloak death.

Ella and I were talking the other day and she, in her beautiful four year old way, offered me the sweetest of comfort. She asked me why I cried many times when I talked about Sully. I told her that it was because he was my baby and that it made me sad that he was not healthy and that I wouldn't be able to know him and love him the same way I knew and loved her and Zane. She nestled herself next to me in her pink costume and took my face in her hands and said, "Mom, I draw all those pictures for you to make you feel better. It's OK that Sully will die. He'll be OK." I wonder where that comes from? How can my four year old say those things to me? I just hugged her and told her thank you and how much I loved her.

So, tonight, when she brought me the book, I wanted to mention again about Sully and that soon he will come to us and that we didn't know how long he would live. I also needed to share with her about a family pet(her great aunts) that she loved that had passed away not too long ago. It seemed like she was handling everything with Sully so well, and now we had read this book, maybe this was the time to tell her. Before bed I let her know that our Aunt's dog, Georgia, had gotten sick and died. Oh it just broke my heart. She burst into to tears and just wept. She was so sad, and all I could do was hold her and tell her it was OK to be sad and OK to cry - all of the things we had just read so matter of factly in our book. I realize that losing sweet Georgia will probably hit home with her more than losing Sully will. After all, she has so many fun memories with her while Sully has been someone whom I have known more, whom I have carried. I think it made death more real to her though, and her own tears will help her to understand mine and Brad's when Sully comes and goes. But it makes me ache to even have to talk about these things with her. How unfair that death would already touch her sweet innocence.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

for all the sick and suffering/
give strength and peace we pray/
dear Lord Who lived and died and rose/
sustain us day by day

Victoria said...

You are such a blessing to your children, open with them, sharing the whole circle of birth and death. I understand your sorrow that death enters their world so soon and your wish it weren't so - but it is as it is and the importance is in what you and they make of it - and you are making compassion and mutual comforting - skills they will be able to draw on all their lives.

ommie said...

You don't know me but i have come to your blog probably daily as i take time to think of people and pray. My sister in law is a friend of yours from where you went to hs. Since she has shared your story about Sullys playground with me i spend time to read your blog and share with others. I have two children very close in age with yours and just feel a connection. That may sound strange considering i have never met you in person or spoke to you. I just wanted to let you know we think and pray for you and your beautiful family. You inspire me to spend more time praying and talking with God. You have an amazing way with words and being so honest and faithful. You are an awesome mother and i look at you as an example. i will continue to keep you all in my prayers.

Julie said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

My sister's 3rd child was born with anacephaly. Part of his brain was missing. He died 24 hours after he was born. I remember her trying to talk to her daughters of their little brother's homecoming. I cannot fully understand what you are going through, but my sister can. I am going to send her a link to your blog.

I am a friend of Naomi M's. We kept Emma when she came to your house to visit. So, I have known about you for some time.

I am glad to find your blog. You are a precious family!

I have prayed for you and your sweet family.

May the God of all comfort comfort you now.
Julie

misso0503 said...

You don't know me either but i thought i would tell you, that i think you are amazing reading your stroy hits home to me .I lost my sister when i as 4 years old, she was two and had leukemia in 1984. she was born on 2/14/82, . I can't tell you how important it was to me that growing up my mother always made it a point to let me know that is was ALWAYS ok to cry. Even today as i am now 27years old i still cry often and think of what could have been. My mom and i have been associated with edmarc since 1984, as families and as facilitator. I thank god for them, they helped my mom when no one else could. I just want you to know that my heart and prayers go out to you and your beautiful family.