Frosted flakes and Sully's playground

I've bought a box of frosted flakes, the closest image to manna I've been given by modern interpreters. Even if I don't pour myself a bowl I look at the box and think about the manna given me for each day, each moment. I woke up yesterday with more of a sense of rest and peace than I've had for the past two weeks. "Manna for each day," I say to myself - becoming quite the mantra. I marvel at the calm within me especially after the incredible turbulence. I think about all of the people praying for us and am thankful. I open my bible and think again on the scriptures I've been holding onto for the past few days:

He will quiet you with his love. Zephaniah 3:17

...in quietness and trust is you strength. Isaiah 30:15

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

...grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:12

That last one really gets me. A willing spirit. I think about Sully and the willing spirit God gave me to carry him even after the devastating diagnosis. Fear of what life will be like if he does survive, the fear of the demands, the fear of caring for something so desperately needy, the fear of knowing him more and still having him leave me, has been a great cause of the turbulence and tension in my soul these past few weeks. But, I choose to believe that just as God has given me grace to come this far that he won't leave me in the days ahead. And so I pray for a willing spirit and that God's own love would be what gives me strength in those future days - and for today, really, it's usually just for today that I can utter a prayer.

There is a tremendous bright spot in all of this for me these days. I can't even begin to tell you what a joy it has continued to bring me to plan and prepare for Sully's playground. I have been meeting and planning with a committee, and on Monday, we will take our plans to our church session for approval. If all goes according to plan, we hope that by late Spring we can begin building. I have been amazed at your generous hearts in wanting to be apart of this with us. Already just over $8,000 has been lovingly sent in to Sully's playground fund! Each time a gift comes in it sends such a message of love and care and support - I wish I could say something more than thank you. It means so incredibly much to us!

We've chosen a company called Miracle playgrounds - I just couldn't resist - it seemed such an appropriate choice. They have helped us figure out what fits best into our space and have sent us estimates for three options. Here is a picture of the option I think we will choose but with a few changes here and there (including color choice - I'll see if I can get the other options posted on sullysplayground.com if you'd like to see more). Sometimes, when I think of Sully being able to have more days with us, I think of how beautiful it would be if we could build this playground in time to carry him there, to have his little presence there with us even if it was just for a day. That image gives me courage for some reason. I don't know what the next few weeks will bring us, but I am grateful this morning for a willing spirit...