Today

This is the day where it all comes together. This is the day we cut the ribbon and officially open what was once just a thought. I hear the birds singing this morning and that always makes me smile. I tell Sully how excited everyone is to open his special place.

I have been thinking this morning and the past several days on William Blake's words: "We are here to endure the beams of love." I wonder if that is what these past months have been all about. I think today certainly is. Is not everything about this playground full of love? But in the height of this love and joy there is the depth of the sorrow of losing a baby. Is that what it might mean to learn to endure the beams of love.

I would never wish what has happened in our lives onto anyone. But, I would not trade you my days with Sully, even the hardest, most agonizing moments, for anything. I am proud of my boy. Honestly, I am proud of myself. Is not carrying this special soul the greatest thing I have ever done? I am grateful for the willing spirit God has given me which has surely sustained me. I know I could have chosen a different path and God’s love would have been there down that road with me, too. But I prayed the psalms, begging for a willing spirit, and he gave it and gave us the grace to walk a very difficult path. And in walking it, crawling it, lying down and crying in it, there was the tenderness of love, of a grace in my weakness that I have never known before the way I knew it then. God was near. I did nothing. I could not do anything that I normally thought could win his nearness. Yet there He was. He was in your cooking, your phone calls, your e-mails, and your letters. He was in the idea of a playground and a Christmas wish. He was in the bird song and the early mornings and late nights of writing. He was with me as I cried in my bed, cried in the shower, cried in the car and cried in your arms. And He continues to carry us, to be with us in our joy and sorrow.

Today, we will dedicate a playground that is so much more than just a playground. It is a reminder that God is with us in our brokenness. Would I rather have my little boy healthy and whole? I am human and a mother. You know that answer. But this space will always remind me of God’s great love for me, for my family, for this community and for my boy, our boy, Sully.

I just walked outside and there is a rainbow stretching from one end of the sky to the other. It takes rain and sunshine to make such a beautiful sight. Yes, it is going to be a very good day.