The past 48 hours are dream like. Labor seems like ages ago even though not much time has really passed. Those hours of mental anguish, mental labor are a relief to be behind me. The hours since Sully's birth shimmer with their joy and beauty. He has come with instructions all of us should have. Treasure him, love him, celebrate and enjoy him because we know not his hours or days. This is the truth of all the dear ones in our lives; none of us know the number of our breaths. But Sully has made that truth a very real, bittersweet taste in my mouth and not just a nice sentiment for a halmark card.
Even the weather has seemed to be a gift to propel our dream like trance. I hear of the cold and rain coming, and I feel the sadness crouching at my door. I want to shut it out, to keep it out forever. I want to close my ears to the voices that tell me what is coming and just believe that this is my world, that I have come home with our sweet baby boy and he is mine to keep. I find big joy in him accomplishing small wonders: taking 4mL of milk, burping, having a dirty diaper, crying. These normal things seem so miraculous. But then, the neonatal bottles come and I see how very little 4mL is and I am discouraged. The stethoscope hears the sound of less vigorous breathing than the day before, and I feel the shimmer of the past glorious hours start to fade.
In our hospital room, less than an hour after Sully's birth, the dearest of hearts assembled to witness the baptism of Sully's precious little life. We promised things that made me weep. We promised to teach and lead and love this covenant child but it is Sully who is teaching, leading and loving us. I am grateful for those witnessing his life with me, those who said they would help love this covenant child, too. I am relieved to no longer be the sole bearer of his small life's memories. One chapter has ended and another begun. I know all the days will not shimmer...
(Brad made a beautiful video clip today of Sully's homecoming. It's at the bottom of our blog.)
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4 comments:
Continuing blessings in this shimmering time. Sully is beautiful - and so beautifully loved.
You don't know me, but I was introduced to your story by my sister in law. I find myself checking your blog daily to see how you and Sully are doing.
You have such a magical way with words and I can't seem to figure out how to express what I'm feeling for you and your family right now. I'm a mother of two and reading your story has been such a reminder that we really do have to cherish each and every moment with our kids. They are gifts from heaven no matter how long or short thier visit to earth is. There are days when I get so frustrated and my kids are driving me crazy with tantrums and crying, but even on the most difficult of days I woudn't trade it for anything. They are my life, my heart, my destiny. I'm so grateful they are in my life and you and Sully have reminded me just how special every child is. Short as his life may be, Sully has already made a HUGE impact on so many lives and for that reason he will forever live on in our hearts. I will continue to read your blog and pray for you, Sully and your family. Please know that you have reminded me how blessed my husband and I are to have our babies!! Sully is a true gift to the world.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and friends always. I think about you all every day. Sully has made a huge impression on me and my life as a new mother. I think every mother needs to read Sully's story so that they appreciate every single moment they have with their little one. My cousin, Karin Lane, introduced Sully's story to us and my whole family has been reading your blog since around I think 32 weeks of your pregnancy. My daughter is 4 months old and she's my first :)She's had a hard time sleeping at night and I would get soooo frustrated with her bc I was so tired, but ever since Sully, it's almost like I love her more, and I didnt think I could love her any more than I already have! I hold her tight when she cries and some times I just stare at her while shes sleeping and just cry bc I just love her SO MUCH. I just want to thank you for what you have done for me and my family. Your story is beautiful and I know that with out God, no one could have done what you and your family have done and with God, we have the peace of knowing that Sully has been made perfect and he's in God's arms...the safest place he could ever be. God Bless you and I will continue to pray for you every day :) Love to Sully :)
Brad and Heidi,
We have been so touched by your story which God has given to you. You have responded so valiantly! It is very obvious you have been accepting God's grace. Sully was so beautiful and special. Thank you for sharing him with us through this site. I know your "story" is not over yet and will probably never be over because you will always be learning and sharing. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
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