The extra vest

Yesterday, the 4th of July, was a great day. Brad's parents are in town for the weekend and it's so nice to have them here. The kids just adore them. We started off our day by participating in our neighborhood parade - always a treat for the kids. Then we headed to Waterside for one of our favorite outings, a ride on the ferry and a walk through Old Town Portsmouth.
After lunch and naps, we drove to Aunt Kay and Uncle Dave's house in Virginia Beach for a boat ride and fireworks. As we pulled the life jackets out for the kids, my brother-in-law noted there were plenty for the kids, five, even one extra. It hit me so hard that the extra jacket would have been Sully's. It was the infant jacket I remember buying for Ella when she was only 7 or 8 month old. Now, it's just the extra life vest, needed for no one. He would have been 5 months old yesterday. It's thoughts like this that enter even in the midst of the happiest moments. I guess it will always be this way.

I made my monthly trek to the wholesale florist for my Sully tulips this morning. Zane was up early so he tagged along with me and helped me search for our flowers. At first I couldn't find any tulips and thought I would leave empty handed. But then, there they were, three bunches of purple tulips. I bought them all. What I love about arranging them each time is how focused my thoughts are on my boy. How I smile as I place each stem. How I try and create significance out of the color I found this time, or the number of flowers and so forth. This morning I counted thirty tulips. I muddled through the numbers of five months and how many weeks and days but couldn't come up with any correlation. Then, I knew. These weren't just Sully tulips, but they were mine, too. Thirty tulips for my thirty years. They feel like a gift from my baby boy, like a hopeful gift for good things to come.