an email, a name, and a verse

"Sully, I'm calling him Sully. It doesn't mean anything super spiritual - keen eyes - after I had called him that a couple of days a friend of mine wrote when she saw his picture that he had a beautiful face and eyes that looked like they were listening. And then it just seemed right - like his name. Sullivan Gage Anderson. Gage means to measure and he does feel like he is measuring everything we are or thought we were. I feel like I am being weighed and measured and examined - not just me but everything in my life - every thought and action - every reason for why I do the things I do and have done. But Sully is softer, more tender. Oh I am struggling so much. It helps me to call him by name, to let him be a real baby. My heart is trying to move on and distance myself. I feel myself pulling away from him, not wanting to love him. But I want to love him - I really do want to love him. Why am I struggling so much? This is so hard..."

Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall.
My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end,
they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
Lamentations 3:19-24